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(no subject)

Aug. 1st, 2007 | 02:05 am

Today I told my dad that I'm going to change the world.
He told me I couldn't.

Thanks for believing in me.

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I should go to bed

Oct. 23rd, 2006 | 05:50 am

The Rules:

1. Write something about 15 different people.
2. You can NOT say who they are.
3. If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Oh man, I love you so fucking much, like more than I thought I could ever love someone, and I know you'll never read this, because well, you can't read, but I really hope that once you get old enough, you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. My heart breaks everytime I see you cry, and whenever you laugh, I can feel myself just completely light up, and everything is right with the world. There are so many things that I'm looking forward to doing with you someday.
2. You are one of my best friends, and I love you so much. You make me really happy and always give me that positive outlook that I need. I'm glad I met you.
3. You kill me, and I love it. We've been through so much together, and the bond I have with you is amazing. No one else can make my mood change from sad to well, definitely not sad, in such a short period of time. All the gas money is so worth it.
4. We had so many good times senior year, and I miss them, and sometimes I just want them back. I'm glad that you're happy, because you deserve all the happiness in the world.
5. Oh dear, where to begin? Even though everything kind of fell through and left me feeling really empty and hurt, I'm glad it happened, because it made me feel good about myself for a couple days. I really needed that, it was refreshing. And as slightly pissed as I still am, I'll always be thankful to you for giving me that.
6. This being friends thing is working out really well for us, I think.
7. Ok, so you're kind of annoying, but I love you anyway. You've been such an amazing friend to me this year, especially when I was sick, and I love you for it.
8. I wish I saw as much as I did last year. I miss our late nights. You're one of my best friends here, and I can't believe you're leaving.
9. You're leaving too, but at least you're not going that far, because you are awesome and I love you.
10. I wish we talked more. I feel like our conversations are always rushed, and I don't like that at all. I miss you dearly, considering I spend all of my time with you when I'm home.
11. So we haven't talked for like over a week, and that just isn't cool, because I love you and I miss you. Get online sometime, god. I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. You're a great person and you don't deserve any of it. I'm here for you, and I love you.
12. This one goes to a whole group of people-you guys made my junior and senior year amazing, and I miss you all so much, and I never get to talk to any of you as much as I would like to.
13. I love you. I do. I know I'm in the minority on that right now, because some people are just twats, but you are a great person. I'm on your side, I promise.
14. Okay, I NEVER SEE YOU. You live across campus now, and that's just sad...seriously, come visit sometime, because I love you.
15. Ohhh boy, where to start with you...Wow...I miss you. I really do. I miss you more than I thought I would. I said to myself "I'll miss him for a few weeks, then I'll move on"...it's been over a year. Why don't we talk anymore, and why do I still have feelings for you?

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I give up

Oct. 15th, 2006 | 05:48 am

Okay, God, you've got me.

Now can you back the fuck off and let me try to get my life back on track?

I've barely started to pick up the pieces and now I'm about to fall apart again.

This.Is.Not.Fair.

Why am I being punished?

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Give me a reason that I can believe in...

Oct. 12th, 2006 | 11:31 pm
location: My desk chair.
mood: god i have a lot of work
music: Please Stay-Warren Zevon

...and I will believe in you.

Soooo...look who has neglected their livejournal for a few months.

Sophomore year is going well, for the most part. Classes are classy, and I've been learning some new shit and meeting some new homies and whatnot. I'm still quite happy here, and I'm still sure that I'm where I'm supposed to be. Last week, however, I kind of hit rock bottom. Not only was there the whole breaking up thing, I got this horrible cold and ended up sleeping for like 16 hours in one day, then the next day I thought I bounced back from it, and then guess what..."ohhh i'm going to get back together with my ex girlfriend and not even mention it to you, but instead let you find out from facebook! Suprise! Happy Wednesday!!!". Haha. Go me. So then I clearly didn't sleep much that night, and woke up the next morning and was doing the whole puking repeatedly thing, so then I told myself that I was just upset and it was psychological. But an hour later, I decided that probably wasn't the case, so I wandered over to the health center with the lovely Jamie Pinkham '09 in tow, and oh guess what...Heather had a urinary tract infection. Just what I needed.

So a few hours later, I'm lying in my bed in the fetal position crying my eyes out, and I knew then that I had pretty much hit rock bottom and things really could only get better from there. So I took a mental/physical health day, and by Saturday I was on the mend, which was good, because Daddy came to visit me. It was really nice seeing him. He bought me new clothes and ate about 24oz. of steak. Oh, Dad. I love my dad. I really do. I know sometimes I act like I don't, but I love my dad and I'm even starting to like Sara, so things are looking up on that front. My urinary tract has recovered and my cold is gone.

As for my heart...it's doing okay. I'm not gonna lie, it still kind of hurts a little bit. I'm trying to act normal and not let it get me down. I hate being so replaceable and feeling used/led on/played. I need to stop letting my guard down though, because it never ends well for me, but I don't want to live my life that way. As my brother told me the other day, I tend to be a little too trusting, and that needs to stop I think. But we're doing the friends thing and I think we'll be okay. And if you for some strange reason happen to stumble over this...oh well. I don't hate you.

Going home tomorrow. Can't wait to see the boy. I can't really say baby anymore, because he really isn't much of a baby now. He's fucking adorable though. It will be nice to see Grandpa as well and hopefully get over to the beach. Maybe I'll try to do something with Jordan Sunday night. I love her, she's a good friend to me. I love all of my friends and I miss everyone from home, and I'm going to miss Nikki and Melanie a lot.

In conclusion...

Yeah.

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I'm losing you and it's effortless

Oct. 3rd, 2006 | 08:07 pm

My heart hurts.


Fuck.

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(no subject)

Aug. 18th, 2006 | 01:25 am

Oh man, I think I have a thing for my brother's best friend.
He's 32.
This is not going to do at all.
Nope, not at all.

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(no subject)

Aug. 1st, 2006 | 12:33 am
mood: tiredtired
music: Brian Wilson-BNL

Woke up this morning to a filthy sky above
I didnt wanna get out of my bed
When I was dreaming I was so in love
so in love I wished that I was dead
Can you dig it?
Can you help me? Can you help me?
Look into these eyes and tell me there's something here worth living for today
Well I work so hard
For what I got, and that aint much
What I got is mine all mine
But sometimes a helping hand is everything can you understand?
Do you ever feel too lost to fight?
Can you help me? Can you help me?
I dont think i want to hesitate
Can you help me? Can you help me?
Look into these eyse and tell me
Something here's worth living for today.

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(no subject)

Jul. 27th, 2006 | 11:26 pm

Court tomorrow.

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i'm feeling so bohemian like you

Jul. 24th, 2006 | 12:43 am
location: The basement, because my dog was crying
mood: cynicalcynical (always)
music: Don't Think Twice-Mike Ness

I've been keeping myself awake the last few nights by pirating massive amounts of music. But it's pretty much the only thing that makes me happy these days, other than my dog and my nephew, so hey, why not?
I hate my job.
I hate my house.
I hate my summer.
I want to go back to a)Duxbury, b)Nottingham, c) Wells, or d)Elmira. I honestly don't even care where right now, but with the exception of Grandpa, Molly, and a select few friends, I really have nothing here, and I'm miserable. I'm also miserable at my job. I hate my boss. I'm allergic, seriously. I have an allergy attack everytime I'm there. It's awful. I want to quit right now, but I need the money. I also really want to go to Counting Crows and the Goo Goo Dolls on August 1st at Meadowbrook, but I can't afford tickets.

Is it August 27th yet?

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I feel his kiss in your angry eyes

Jul. 19th, 2006 | 10:53 pm
location: bed, bitch.
mood: crappycrappy
music: Sugar Blue-Jeff Finlin

Oh man, Summer Registration was a fucking blast. I love it. And Duxbury was amazing.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, so here I am, back at the hell that is 75 anderson hill rd., and hating it more than ever.


Doesn't anyone have faith in me?

I'm staying at school next summer.

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